Neil Gaiman, the renowned author of the best-selling novels Norse Mythology and Good Omens, and Amanda Palmer, a celebrated musician and performance artist, are among the most intriguing, if not controversial, couples in contemporary literature and art.
Their relationship was often defined by creativity, openness about personal struggles, and a public discourse on their unconventional marriage.
However, their union has also been marred by a lot of controversies, particularly surrounding the recent sexual abuse allegations against Gaiman.
With a new accusation surfacing, as the former nanny, Scarlett Pavlovich, of the ex-couple accuses Gaiman of sexual abuse, let’s delve into the timeline of Gaiman and Palmer’s relationship, their open marriage, and the controversies surrounding them.
Relationship Timeline
- 2008: Gaiman and Palmer first met through her bandmate, Jason Webley. She then asked him to write for her book, Who Killed Amanda Palmer, in which she posed as a murder victim in various death positions, and he wrote accompanying stories imagining her death in different scenarios. At the time, Gaiman was in the process of finalizing his divorce from his first wife, Mary McGrath, whom he had married in 1985. After his divorce, they started dating, and their relationship began to flourish. As Palmer revealed in her memoir, The Art of Asking, it wasn’t a physical attraction that initially drew them to each other but something much deeper.
- 2010: Palmer announced her engagement to Gaiman in a Twitter post. Later that year, she organized a surprise flash mob wedding in New Orleans to celebrate her fiancé’s 50th birthday. For the event, Palmer painted her face white and posed as a statue, drawing inspiration from a busking performance art piece called The Eight-Foot Bride.
- 2011: Palmer and Gaiman were married at the home of their friends, authors Michael Chabon and Ayelet Waldman. The couple then relocated to England. Over the years, they engaged in a variety of unconventional and adventurous activities, including Palmer stripping naked at the Degas Museum for Gaiman to sketch her and also disrobing on the Golden Globes red carpet beside him. Additionally, they performed goth songs together, embracing their shared creative spirit and flair for the dramatic.
- 2013: Palmer and Gaiman publicly disclosed that they had an open marriage. While the couple frequently gave interviews discussing their unconventional relationship, Palmer stated that she refrained from singing about it, as doing so would “disrespect” both her husband and their lovers.
- 2015: Palmer and Gaiman welcomed their son, Anthony “Ash” Palmer, marking a significant shift in their relationship. Following his birth, Palmer asked Gaiman to end their open marriage, and they both agreed to prioritize their family. However, the transition proved challenging as they grappled with the loss of personal freedom and the difficulties of spending limited time together due to their demanding schedules. Additionally, one of them often had to remain at home to care for their son, further complicating their dynamic.
- 2020: Palmer and Gaiman remained in New Zealand during the COVID-19 lockdown. However, Gaiman abruptly left his wife and son to return to England, violating lockdown protocols and attracting significant public scrutiny. Shortly afterward, Palmer shared a cryptic post online, hinting at tensions within their relationship.
- 2021: Palmer announced her plans to attend a "totally off-grid retreat" alone after Gaiman returned to New Zealand. She acknowledged that they had endured a challenging year, describing it as "hell." Still, she emphasized that they continued to support each other and maintained a deep, unwavering love for their son, Ash, which she described as flowing "like a torrent."
- 2022: Palmer and Gaiman announced their divorce after more than a decade of marriage. Despite this, they continued to co-parent their child and spend time together. During this period, Palmer hired Scarlett Pavlovich to babysit their son. Later, Pavlovich came forward with sexual abuse allegations against Gaiman.
Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer’s Open Marriage
Gaiman and Palmer openly talked about their polyamory in public, often discussing their decision to have an open relationship in their marriage.
The two artists believed that sharing experiences with other people would help strengthen their bond, which both drew admiration and criticism from fans and critics alike.
According to Vulture, they agreed to this arrangement to explore their personal freedom while maintaining a strong connection.
“On one of our very first dates we discussed monogamy, how neither of us were fans of it. We’ve had an open marriage ever since,” she said (via The Times). “Does it work? Hell, yeah! The idea of only ever fooling around with one other person until the end of time has always been terrifying to me, and with Neil, too, I think.”
The Controversies
Palmer and Gaiman’s relationship became increasingly scrutinized following the allegations against Gaiman that surfaced in 2024, and this scrutiny has continued to the present day.
- Controversial Encounter: Reports indicate that during their open marriage, Palmer allegedly slept with a 20-year-old fan who was named Rachel. She reportedly introduced her to Gaiman and handed her to him “like a toy.”
- Sexual Assault Allegations: Multiple women have accused Gaiman of sexual assault. In July 2024, Tortoise Media broke the news about these allegations and released a six-part podcast titled Master, which detailed the claims of five women. A subsequent article by Vulture, written by reporter Lila Shapiro, interviewed eight women—four of whom participated in the podcast—who recounted similar experiences with Gaiman, including one of the accusers, Scarlett Pavlovich.
- The Story of Nanny Scarlett Pavlovich: Pavlovich claims she first met Palmer in New Zealand when she was 22 years old. After developing a friendship, Palmer asked her to help babysit their son, Ash. The first time Pavlovich met Gaiman was while she was waiting for Ash to finish a playdate. During this encounter, he allegedly offered her a bath in a claw-foot tub located in his garden. According to Pavlovich, Gaiman joined her in the tub without clothes, asked her to sit on his lap, and sexually assaulted her. She asserts that the abuse continued for the duration of her time babysitting Ash.
While Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer’s relationship was characterized by creativity, openness, and significant public interest, it was also fraught with controversies. The recent allegations against Gaiman have cast a shadow over his reputation, further complicating the narrative of their union.